October 2009
26 posts
The beer for men who can’t keep their hands to themselves
I saw this can on my stroll around the ‘hood today. This is a bad name for a beer. So are Lurch and Retch, in case they’re thinking of expanding the range.
“Tina is my baby girl. She’s my sister from another mother of a different color. I’d do 25 to life for her. She is down like four flat tires.”
—Tracy Morgan (via) (via megalong) (via falulatonks) (via 30rockthings)
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I need help translating English into English
I don’t envy you there. There must be an iPhone app for that, no?
A typical exchange between me and a Nottingham check-out clerk:
Clerk: “Jumpy cashmere burgles?”
Me: “The… Pardon me?”
Clerk: “Yaburgles. Jaunty cashnit.”
Me: “Sorry, you… what?”
Clerk [reaching for the panic-button under the counter]: “Cash back. On your purchases. Do you want any.”
Basically, the rule seems to be that I don’t understand what anybody is saying to me until they say it three times. Where’s the iPhone app that untangles funny accents and tells me, in a soothing, robotic voice, that although I’m hearing “laughing cormorants from Gomorrah,” what they’re saying is, “we’ll have more in stock tomorrow.” I would really like that app, because I don’t know how many more uneasy exchanges and blank stares I can brazen out at the supermarket.
Jenna: Great news guys. I just got a residual check from that Japanese commercial I did.
Jenna: I still don’t know how that advertised Tokyo University. But I’m going to use this 300 dollars to buy us all some new boots for me.
- 3.01 - Do-Over
